Thursday, 12 May 2016

Facing your fears

Today I thought I would share with your my thoughts on fears and how you face them. I'm the kind of person who is scared of everything, anything smaller than a rabbit, except birds, creeps me the hell out, I'm a massive wuss but my biggest fear is spiders. Its something I've been scared of for as long as I can remember and its in no way a nice fear to have as I'm 99% sure they can smell your fear and harass you even more because of that.

So a few months back I had the most horrific experience with a spider, consisting of it being sat on my face. I don't think I've ever been that scared, it was the most awful moment of my life. My nan screamed louder than I did though so that made me feel better. I tried running off with the spider still on me and my mom had to stop me to actually get it off me to which I was screaming and hitting her trying to run away even more. Then I had a full blown mental breakdown crying my eyes out on my mom and violently scrubbed my face.

Even after all this I don't think my fear of spiders has got any better if anything its got worse. People always say well you had a spider on you and it didn't hurt you so you shouldn't be scared of them anymore but thats not the case, it may not have hurt me but I've been mentally scarred by the experience(no exaggeration) and its not improved anything at all so it in no way has really helped so when people sit there and go to get over a fear you need to face it head on that isn't always the case. 

My brother thought I was being utterly ridiculous because of the way I freaked out and this really upset and hurt me because at the end of the day all of my fears are my own and I'd never expect somebody who didn't have those fears to understand but I do expect a little respect and not to be made feel 6 inches tall because I have fears. Its hard enough having fears without someone mocking you and belittling you because of them and nobody should ever make you feel like that. I know the day will come where I do have to grow some pretty big lady balls and get rid of a spider myself, but I am really proud of how far I have come with my fear in the past few years. 3 years ago I would have freaked the heck out if there was a money spider on me but now it doesn't phase me at all. Fears are something that gets better as you get older because you have to learn to. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't ever let anyone make you feel stupid because you are scared of something it is something that in your own time that you will come to deal with and make those fears easier for yourself, its nobody else's decision to make for you. One day I hope I'll be able to catch a spider with a glass and paper without squealing like a little girl until then I'll continue to be rescued from them! 

Jess x
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